The Prude and the Lewd
by MissusPatches
Summary: In which a bossy, independent mutant cyclops and an immoral, swindling alcoholic automaton learn to appreciate one other. 1sentence Challenge. Leeler.


**A/N:**

Mann, those 1sentence livejournal challenges are just _so_ addictive! I knew I'd eventually end up doing another one. This time, the theme set I used was Epsilon and the pairing I chose was Leela/Bender or, as I like to call it, Leeler.

Not written in any sort of order, really, just random episodes~ x)

Oh! And a few of the sentences are references to canon occurrences - #1 is a ref to "My Three Suns," #9 is a ref to "New Justice Team," #17 is a ref to "The Cyber House Rules," #37 is a ref to "Space Pilot 3000," #41 is a ref to "The Honking," and #50 is a ref to "I Second That Emotion."

Also a huuge thanks to my buddy _CrystalMask_ for inspiring and encouraging me during the composing of this set - as well as for coming up with #'s 20, 32, 39, 42, 43, & 44, and collaborating with me on #'s 5, 26, 30, 41, & 49. Lovee ya, gurrl!! *hugs* :D

Hope y'all enjoy the Leelerrness~!

-:|:** The Prude and the Lewd **:|:**-**

* * *

**#01 – Motion**

It had been hours after they'd returned from Trisol, the desert planet, and Bender's sleep mode was still refusing to initiate in favor of replaying and replaying the brief exchange that he'd had with Leela over the video phone earlier, when she'd surprised the manbot by saying that she _liked_ him; what the bending unit perceived as an annoying program malfunction was, in actuality, the wheels of a particularly strange destiny being set into motion…

**#02 – Cool**

One to kick back and smoke cigars while his meatbag companions fretted over silly things like dangerously decreasing oxygen levels, the loss of the entire trip's food supply, and the prospect of their next delivery destination being the cannibal planet, Bender was pretty much a master of nonchalance; why, then, did he find it tricky to, to keep his c-cool whenever Leela came onto him?

**#03 – Young**

Leela liked to think that her taste in men had improved greatly since her younger years and firmly insisted to her smirking conscience that because he was a man_bot_, Bender _didn't_ count!

**#04 – Last**

Grumbling with his arms crossed, Bender once again made it his personal goal to ensure that this was the LAST untimely interruption they would get from that pampered pipsqueak; casting him an amused glance from her Nibbler petting, Leela privately decided to make it up to him later, as always.

**#05 – Wrong**

Having Fry accept and support his more-than-friends relationship with Leela was an enormous relief off of Bender's (and Leela's) shoulders; most would say that the obstacles that they still had yet to face would be more harrowing than the one they'd just overcome as their romance was still considered to be socially incorrect - but this didn't worry the manbot, because, really, since when did Bender Bending Rodriguez care if something he did was wrong, eh?

**#06 – Gentle**

Leela had never put much thought into it, but she supposed that she now knew why Bender had always had such success with hooker bots in the past; it was ironic that a being made of such hard material as metal could be so _gentle_ (even more so than any of her past lovers, she found, and _they'd_ been _human_).

**#07 – One**

The exchange of a single beer between friends is normally not much of a significant gesture, but coming from Bender's private store, Leela knew at once that this was no ordinary beer; cautiously accepting the manbot's gift, the cyclops realized that she had a lot to think about.

**#08 – Thousand**

She knew that he was just trying to play up his so-called knowledge of human customs and she really was touched that he cared, but finding a way to rid her apartment of the several thousand 'Valentines Cabbages' he'd stuffed inside was proving to be quite impossible.

**#9 – King**

"Oh, this is just _ridiculous!"_ Leela declared with the roll of an eye, dropping the rumpled newspaper into a trash bin and stalking off; the image on front featured an out-of-context shot of Superking bodily shielding Cloberella from an enemy's laser blast against a brick wall, the headline: "SUPERKING CLAIMS A SUPERQUEEN?"

**#10 – Learn**

Bender learned to ignore the countless error signals that clouded his database (much like an owl infestation) whenever he touched her.

**#11 – Blur**

It was a blur - all that Leela could immediately recall was the annual Planet Express Employee Christmas party the night before, which was complete with cheap take out, festive music, a Zoidberg piñata, and large amounts of booze; the hour had grown late and she must've needed help getting back to her apartment – from the taste of oil on her tongue, the mechanical whirring sound issuing from whoever was hogging the blankets, and the cold, tubular arm curled possessively around her waist it wasn't hard for the cyclops to guess what had occurred.

**#12 – Wait**

"Oh _please..._ _no one's_ going to wait in line for a kissing booth manned by a _robot_ - you don't even have lips!" Leela observed with an peevish frown; Bender snorted, "For your information, _meatbag_, we _robots_ are better kissers than humans give us credit for – and if you think your petty doubts are gonna score you _free samples_, then you're wrong, sister!"

**#13 – Change**

Amy never commented aloud, but she'd always privately held the belief that Bender's cooking skills had as much chance of improving as he and Leela had of suddenly falling madly in love, getting married, and adopting several orphans; years later found the Martian girl wondering if she ought to give Bender's cooking another try.

**#14 – Command**

"_Bender _- just because we're in a relationship now doesn't mean that you have any right to disregard orders, are we clear?" The ship captain demanded in her usual bossy voice.

**#15 – Hold**

Being held by Bender was like pressing her bare skin to marble floor tiles - trembling in a way that had nothing to do with temperature, Leela decided that it was worth it.

**#16 – Need**

"Leela, you're not like booze or cigars to me - y'see, I could give those things up..."

**#17 – Vision**

From surface impressions, most people wouldn't be able to envision Bender as a father, especially after that one time when he'd adopted those orphans for the financial benefit - only to grossly under-nourish them, and then, when he'd discovered they were costing him, attempt to sell them to the meat market... yup, if it wasn't for the fact that the manbot had held so tightly onto that crumpled crayon drawing left over from the ordeal, Leela might have given up on the idea of starting a family altogether.

**#18 – Attention**

"Attention, please – first, I would just like to say that even though a robot, such as myself, lacks the ability to taste, the meal that you've so graciously prepared for us looks to be the most appetizing thing that I've seen come from these sewers – well, uh, except for my honey right here, of course!" Leela face palmed; maybe it was a bit _early _to announce their engagement…

**#19 – Soul**

Leela thought it was very sweet of Bender to treat her to a candlelit dinner (which, he assured her, he'd brewed according to the instructions in 'Elzar's Finest Cuisine'), but hiring the entire Robotology church choir to sing "sensuous soul music" to them as they dined seemed like a bit much.

**#20 – Picture**

"Actually Leela, I'd be _flattered_ if someone posted a picture of me on the internet, calling me the prettiest woman alive; I only wish we knew who 'robo-king69' was," Amy wondered, gazing thoughtfully at her computer screen.

**#21 – Fool**

Bender felt like a fool, but if entering the _Annual NNY Pet and Owner Fashion Show_ with Nibbler made Leela happy, he'd do it.

**#22 – Mad**

Leela really had to struggle to keep a straight face at the sight of Nibbler and Bender, attempting to look dignified, in the tutus she'd picked out for the show; the manbot must've sensed her amusement, "Bite my frilly, metal ass!"

**#23 – Child**

"Hey, this orphanarium's named after _me _– I should get a discount!" the manbot argued, bringing his metal fist down on the Warden's desk with a solid **clank**; Leela sighed, it figured that even after convincing Bender that their child should be adopted properly instead of stolen, he'd still fight for the best bargain they could get.

**#24 – Now**

"And _now_, for the finishing touch!" Bender proudly declared to himself, and with an air of splendor, the manbot iced his signature onto the cake, "Gee, I hope Big Boots likes her anniversary gift – then again, who_ wouldn't_ adore a piece of pastry crafted in their _lovebucket's_ image?"

**#25 – Shadow**

Unlike Bender, Fry had never been one to hide his feelings - practically parading his devotion to her without shame, it was no wonder that Leela had never noticed the robot's small, but meaningful gestures in the smitten delivery boy's shadow.

**#26 – Goodbye**

"_Eww_, stop doing gross adult stuff in front of me!" Bender's adopted son groaned when his dadbot leaned through the hover car window to give Leela a goodbye kiss; snickering, Bender boldly doubled his efforts and felt a smug satisfaction at the child's renewed gags of disgust.

**#27 – Hide**

It wasn't until the third time in the same day that Bender blamed "uncontrollable kleptomania" for his hand slipping into her back pocket to steal her wallet (yet resulting in not a single dollar missing, oddly enough) that Leela began to suspect that the manbot was hiding something.

**#28 – Fortune**

The Gypsy Robot was a shameless charlatan and therefore had no problem accepted the bending units' money, no questions asked; Leela left the fair grounds that day feeling very confused – when she'd asked about her future love life, the fortune teller had prophesized that she would marry a _"very hot and sexy love machine."_

**#29 – Safe**

Although Leela was perfectly capable of standing her ground in most situations (thank you very much), it was always nice to have a backup with backbone, someone you could count on when it mattered; she supposed that she'd always liked Bender's "in-your-face" attitude for this reason, because it made her feel prepared, sturdy, _safe_.

**#30 – Ghost**

When Bender showed up at Leela's apartment with the claim that a ghost had threatened to haunt him unless he spent the night at her place, Leela teetered on the edge of irritation and confusion - irritation, because this was surely an attempt to mooch off of her (the supposed 'ghost' looked like Fry in a cheap Halloween costume), and confusion, because she owned nothing fancy or valuable and the robot _knew_ that... so, of all the possible targets for leeching, why _her?_

**#31 – Book**

At the manbot's suggestive tone, Leela reddened and looked away with a huff– Bender hadn't stopped teasing her since he'd caught her reading a manual on the inner framework of bending units that had arrived in the mail courtesy of _Mom's Friendly Robot Company_; she'd just been _curious_, that was all!

**#32 – Eye**

"And soes, this cyclops chick was putting gas in her ship and I mentions to Freddy that she looks kinda funny cause she's gots only _one_ eye and, suddenly, this robot comes from nowheres and punches me in the nose!" Sal explained to a friend who asked about the icepack he was holding against his face.

**#33 – Never**

As newly discovered robosexuals, their first time was more of an experiment than anything – sure, Bender confidently tried to pass off his brief relationship with Lucy Liu's head as 'experience', but from the series of clumsy fumblings, tentative touches, and just plain awkward (though casually-asked) questions, it was clear to Leela that he was just as clueless as she was.

**#34 – Sing**

Although his folk singing aspirations were obvious to anyone who knew him, Bender stubbornly took every opportunity to deny that they existed; Leela wondered if she should feel flattered or annoyed whenever she, and her neighbors, were awakened by the sound of the manbot belting out 'Bells of Aberdovy' in the alley below her window at three in the morning.

**#35 – Sudden**

Biting her lip, Leela decided that she would just have to schedule a (strictly professional) talk with Bender about his (increasingly irritating) habit of bringing hookerbots to work and present it as a significant threat to Planet Express' reputation rather than a sudden personal annoyance.

**#36 – Stop**

On long, boring missions, Bender allowed his thoughts to stray: _'hmmm, I really should've brought a _lot_ more booze... wow, Fry is acting dumber than usual... _geez_, how long is it gonna_ take_ to reach this smelly planet... huh, Leela sure has a nice ass— _wait, **what**_?'_

**#37 – Time**

The very first time they met, Bender stole a ring off of Leela's finger; who knew that one day he'd be doing the exact opposite?

**#38 – Wash**

Leela was surprised, _astonished_ really, when Bender volunteered to help her give Nibbler a bath – he was constantly complaining about the amount of attention that she supposedly 'wasted' on 'that walking garbage disposal' when she could be with him instead; wringing out her sopping ponytail from the water fight that inevitably ensued, the cyclops supposed that she should have recognized the manbot's unusually generous offer as an opportunity to see her in a tight, wet shirt.

**#39 – Torn**

"_Hey_, it ain't my fault that your _flimsy _human clothing can't stand up to a robot's touch!" Bender retorted when Leela scolded him after he accidentally tore her bra for the fourth time in a row instead of being more careful.

**#40 – History**

One would think that the history of conflicts and clashing morals that they'd experienced as friends would have given them enough reasons to avoid ever even considering the possibility of becoming more – nevertheless, the only detail that their new relationship truly changed was the way they made amends in the aftermath of every fight.

**#41 – Power**

Leela had never really noticed the influence that Bender had over her; there they were, about to be run down by a ruthless werecar – _killed!_ – and all she could think about was the sincerity in the manbot's voice when he'd put his arms around her and Fry and called them his friends; even if it was only for a few seconds, he'd somehow made her momentarily forget about their dangerous situation, made her _smile_.

**#42 - Bother**

Amy had once wisely informed Leela that whenever someone bothered another person, it usually meant that he or she cared about them; it was this thought that lessened Leela's irritation with Bender whenever he made fun of her depth perception.

**#43 – God**

"And so, according to legend, we'll have good luck if we worship this unexploded nuclear bomb," Munda told Leela and Bender — the latter wrapped his arm around the cylops' waist and whispered, "_Psh,_ the only thing around here that _you_ need to worship to get _lucky_ is _me, _baby."

**#44 – Wall**

"…And you see, Leela, _that_ is why I will always love you," Bender told his reflection in the bathroom mirror—today was their 5th anniversary and he'd been practicing his speech for hours, unaware that Leela was listening to everything on the other side of the wall, resisting the urge to fling open the door and kiss her husband.

**#45 – Naked**

"I still don't get why you humans feel you hafta cover yourselves with so many layers of _clothes_," the manbot grumbled, his thick, cylindrical fingers fumbling with the tiny bra hooks; smirking at his frustration, the cyclops pressed herself against him, and answered in a low, sensuous whisper, "Oh, I don't know, I find it sort of _fun_ to keep you guessing what's _underneath_… don't_ you?"_

**#46 – Drive**

"Gee, Leela... I bet you could pilot _any _kind of machinery, couldn't you?" It was the way Bender said it — eyes narrowed, head cocked at an angle with what she imagined was a coy grin as he lazily leered over the shoulder of the captain's chair at her long, nimble fingers grasping the ship's joystick — _that_ caused her to blush and nearly steer them into an asteroid belt.

**#47 – Harm**

As a robot, there were times when Bender forgot his own strength; Leela knew this and gave a pained, but forgiving smile as the bending unit guiltily apologized over and over for giving her a nosebleed instead of a kiss.

**#48 – Precious**

It dawned on Leela that the particular glint present in Bender's eyes during their more intimate moments was similar to the look that he usually reserved for the examination of extraordinary treasures he won through his grander heists.

**#49 – Hunger**

"To be honest, I don't want your_ food_, Bender…," the insults that were to represent the manbot's offense became senseless garbles in his voice box as the leering cyclops' hooked a finger in his cooking apron and tugged him closer,"... I want _you._"

**#50 – Believe**

Though their friends are supportive, numerous doubts still loom over the couple like another El Chupanibre, whispers that they would last no more than a month surrounding them like the foul breath of the sewer beast; the pep talk that Bender uses to quell Leela's worries echoes the one from that long ago battle, but this time, the emotional connection they share is not the fabrication of a computer chip – this time, an earnest manbot locks blazing eyes with a troubled cyclops and promises her that _everything_'s _gonna be okay_… and, finally smiling as if he'd just defeated the monster all over again, she _believes_.

* * *

Next up will be Leela x Robot Devil! *shimmies*


End file.
